


Worth It

by onlyhereforellick



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, postep 17x14, watch out the smut sneaks up on ya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:34:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22514068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyhereforellick/pseuds/onlyhereforellick
Summary: they say I did something bad, then why’s it feel so good?said I’ve been a bad girl lately, thinking about the things I wanna do to you.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	Worth It

**Author's Note:**

> this is a theory solely for the fic- not representative of what I think actually happened on the show 😉

McGee had left a little while ago, Jack even stopped through to wish her a pitied-looking goodnight. Ellie could tell she had wanted to say more, say _something_ \- but Jack has held her tongue. _Must be Gibbs’ influence_ , Ellie thought wryly to herself.

So there she sat, behind her desk staring unseeingly at Nick’s. A million thoughts racing through her mind as she slowly came off her adrenaline high of the past 48 hours, yet there was one- one thought that she kept coming back to.

_I risked my life to save yours._

And to put into words what that meant to her was near impossible. To describe the emotion that overtook any time she even fleetingly remembered Nick was ready to die for her- that it was a _reflex_ for him? She ached. The desire to just be near to him for even more than a second longer because who knew how short life could be- it was overpowering.

In a flash Ellie pushed out of her desk chair, slamming it into the back cubicle wall—she needed to see Nick and she needed to see him now.

* * *

So why was her curled fist frozen in midair, hovering to knock on Gibbs’ front door but not actually knocking?

 _She was terrified_ , Ellie realized. Terrified that somehow he’d reject her. That Nick would eventually get wind of how unhinged she’d become during the investigation and look at her differently. _Would he still risk his life if he knew the whole truth?_

Ellie didn’t get a second more to doubt herself before the door swung open gently, revealing a tired-looking Gibbs on the other side.

Her hand still poised and ready, Ellie stammered in confusion. “H-how did you...” she trailed off, words escaped her.

Gibbs just cocked his head to the side ever so slightly as a ghost of a knowing smile morphed his lips.

Ellie swallowed nervously as her eyes flitted to look over Gibbs’ shoulder, even though she knew he’d be out of her eyesight. Eyes traveling back to Gibbs, she tried explaining- hopelessly, “I just- I- I can’t leave him.” She hung her head by the end, deflated from the weight of the past few days.

A strong hand encapsulated her shoulder, and she peered up at the man who looked like he weathered more than his fair share of storms. “I know, Bishop,” and he looked as if he wanted to say more- say what they both knew was running through the back of their minds, but he didn’t. Instead the look on his face shifted, his eyes glinted and his next words would be seared into her, “Remember, there will always be bourbon and a boat in the basement, when you need it.”

His eyes narrowed ever so slightly and Ellie caught the unspoken message. Involuntarily her still slightly raised hand went to rest at the meeting of her collarbones. Her eyes flashed at the memory of how she felt knowing Xavier would be getting away a free man. The emotion was all-consuming. It had started a fire in her that she could not quell, burned her from the inside out till it had swallowed her whole. Her entire being felt red, her vision blurred. In that moment, she’d seen no other option, no other escape.

Her eyes refocused on Gibbs, seeing a similar emotion mirrored in his own eyes. He continued as if an entire understanding hadn’t just passed through them, “I’m going to Jack’s, I’ll be back in the morning.”

That took Ellie by surprise, surely he knew what him leaving would mean, but how much did he plan on sharing with her...

Apparently her question was written across her face, as Gibbs answered her thoughts, “Not yet, Bishop. Not for a long time.”

A curt nod was her only reply, they were on the same page. And with that, Gibbs stepped to the side allowing Ellie to pass before softly closing the door behind her.

Ellie rounded the corner and placed her bag down quietly at the back of the couch. She shrugged her jacket off and paused at Nick’s sleeping form on one length of the couch. Seeing his chest rise and fall on its own volition felt like the equivalent of Christmas morning as a toddler. Each day is a gift and Ellie hoped she would never forget that. A small fire burned in the fireplace that caught Ellie’s gaze. Briefly mesmerized by the flames licking up the charred wood, a perfect metaphor for how she felt. Exhausted, burned out- and yet, anytime her mind wandered to Nick lying in a hospital bed on a ventilator with a poor prognosis, the flames began to tease her charred nerve endings once again. She knew she had to address it. She had to finally own up to not only herself, but Nick. He deserved to know the truth...well, most of it.

She tiptoed around the couch planning on taking a spot at the adjoining half, when a glint of light captured her eye. She detoured to the fireplace where atop the mantle a small shadowbox frame stood. Delicately placed, it blended in perfectly with the sparse decorations Gibbs kept. A framed picture of Shannon and Kelly, the team—old and new, an enclosed signed baseball- simple things. A black velvet-lined shadowbox with a mahogany thin frame wouldn’t catch anyone’s eye. But its contents- no those stood out. A small but powerful statement, one that most would miss. Most wouldn’t understand the gravity behind the three rather common objects, what they meant to Gibbs.

Ellie did.

Her hand drifted back towards the hollow of her neck, resting on the cool metal resting there on a delicate gold chain. The pads of her fingers already familiar with the small ridges along the equator of the imperfect circle. The almost frayed metal smoothed by expert hands. Absentmindedly, Ellie pinched the new pendant with her thumb and forefinger as her free hand came to caress the outer glass of the shadowbox on Gibbs’ mantle. She couldn’t touch the third bullet casing that had found its resting place on soft velvet, but she could felt the pull between it and the crushed bullet hanging on her neck. The pull of an unbreakable vow- a bond as strong as the one holding father and daughter together, a bond that would never, _never_ be forgotten.

 _It had been easy. Easier than when she’d gone undercover as Charlie and broken up that drug ring. Easier than when she’d hunted down Parsa. Easier than when she’d set up Chen. His obsession with her had been clear from the start- the sick gleam in his eye when he removed his towel in front of her. She knew, she knew it would be easy. Jack had said he’d want attention, crave it in fact- she wasn’t_ _wrong. The team had run out of ideas, but Ellie- no, Ellie hadn’t. Xavier practically begged her for attention, so naturally, luring him into undressing himself and stepping into the full bathtub- well, it was child’s play. Coaxing him into leaning his head back and closing his eyes while she stepped out of her own clothes was a cake walk. The hunger in his eyes palpable, Ellie swallowed the knee jerk nausea that_ _threatened to show. Lifting her dad’s old revolver, long since off any registries, Ellie took aim. Seconds before squeezing the trigger, she felt his presence before he stepped into her periphery. Gibbs said nothing though, didn’t make any move to stop her. In fact, his gun in hand was directed towards Xavier, too._

Lost in her flashback, Ellie didn’t notice Nick stir and make his way to stand behind her. His voice startled her, as she jumped slightly at the deep, scratchy rumble of it. “What’s that?”

Ellie turned on her heel to face him, hand quickly dropping from the shadowbox. “Hmm?” was all she had in response.

Nick cocked his head to the side as he peered at her. His eyes wandered over her shoulder and took in the bullet casings displayed on the mantle. The crushed metal still pressed tightly in her grasp, Nick’s eyes jumped to the movement. More pointedly, Nick looked down at her necklace and back to her face, softly he asked again, “What is that, Ellie?”

Barely above a whisper her voice cracked, “A- a reminder of something I can’t lose.”

A dark look flashed through his eyes.

When he didn’t respond immediately, Ellie’s gaze shot downward and she began to ramble nervously, “You know, Kasie didn’t get me a jar to put it in, so I- uh, I made a necklace. It’s nothing, really. I just-“ her voice cracked again with emotion, “I _can’t_ lose-” Her voice had wavered near the end, inside she was dying to say _you_ , and for some reason she didn’t, she couldn’t.

Nick’s hand came up to hold her now clenched fist, pendant inside. Ellie’s eyes snapped to his, shocked to see a soft, knowing smile splayed across his face. His hand gently pried open her fist, one finger at a time, to reveal the flattened bullet underneath. His calloused fingertips brushed her collarbone as he examined it more closely, tiny goosebumps marred her flesh in his wake. With his focus still directed at the necklace, he spoke so quietly she almost missed it, “I can’t lose you, either.”

An involuntary gasp escaped her lips, Ellie’s mind struggled to believe her ears. “I-, I-, even after...” she couldn’t get the question out. She knew just by the look in his eye that Nick understood. The moment he’d seen the bullet, he’d figured it out.

Nick dropped the cool metal and his hand traveled up to cup her jaw, fingers intertwining with her hair at the nape of her neck. His voice had taken on a huskier tone when he replied, the heat in his eyes not from the fire. “Even after, Ellie. It’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I risked my life to save yours, remember?” The slight twinkle in his eye sending shivers down her spine while simultaneously setting off butterflies in her core.

She echoed her earlier words, “I know—” only it didn’t feel the same as before, “but I-“ she tried again.

Nick cut her off swiftly as he used his right hand to find purchase on her hip and tugged. With a jolt she was suddenly flush to his hard body. Practically growling, he went on, “No but’s Ellie,” as his hand slipped from her hip to her ass and squeezed.

An audible moan sounded from Ellie’s lips before she could stop it. All her doubts and worries vanished as Nick dipped his head to nibble the sensitive spot of her collarbone, inches from her reminder. His teeth grazed up the length of her neck, stopping at her ear.

“No more wasting time,” he breathed, tickling her skin, setting off a whole new wave of goosebumps. And with that, Nick captured her soft lips with his. The bullet at the hollow of her neck long forgotten.

His hands meandered a slow journey up her back, dipping underneath her sweater as his slow, languid kisses occupied her mouth. The heat of the burning fire encapsulating them in their own personal cocoon. Nick’s fingertips brushed the lacy edge of her bra and Ellie’s head fell back at the feeling. A stray thumb suddenly rubbed her nipple through the lace cup, eliciting a less than lady-like moan from her. Nick reclaimed her mouth to swallow her moans as his thumb kept rhythmic pressure on her hardened peak. Ellie saw black as he in the same instant- ground his erection into her center, gave a sharp tug to her tangled hair, and pinched her primed nipple. A low “ _Niiiick_ ,” fell from her lips.

Slowly coming back down to earth, Ellie blushed when she noted they were both still fully clothed and yet she’d just came in the middle of Gibbs’ living room. Nick quickly kissed her rosy cheeks, and with a hurried, “one second,” thrown her way, he stepped out of her embrace and towards the couch. The rush of cool air from his movement contrasted with the heat coursing inside her. Before she could mourn the loss of his warmth though, he was back with a flannel afghan blanket and a low melody played from his phone.

It took Ellie a second to place it, but the familiar beat and crone of a woman’s voice was hard to miss. A chuckle accompanied a slight shake to her head, “Really? This song?”

Nick beamed back at her, “What do you mean? This is _our_ song. Now come here, touch me here and there- I’ve heard you’ve been a _bad girl lately_ any ways,” he added a wink to punctuate his words.

Nick delicately reached out for her hand and when their fingers intertwined, Ellie’s heart began to thud in her chest. Holding his hand again after that moment in the hospital room was inexplicable. She hadn’t been sure it would be welcomed then, but now- now she knew it was the perfect gesture in the moment.

Nick guided them down to the blanket, laid out in front of the roaring fire. Eyes studying her reaction, his hands flirted with the hem of her sweater before he led it upwards over her head. The flames the only light in the living room, casting a cozy, orange glow across her pale skin. There were no words spoken, but no words were needed. The raw emotion shone through his eyes. Gently he leaned Ellie’s head back to rest on a small throw pillow, her golden locks fanning out like a halo.

She expected him to pounce, release the pent up sexual tension brewing between them in a matter of minutes. She was gladly proved wrong.

Nick shed himself of his own shirt, and Ellie felt her pupils widen. She’d seen him shirtless before on the boat, but the sinew of his muscles as he twisted to toss his tee towards the couch was a sight to behold up close. Fixating his palms beside each shoulder, he dipped his chin once again to nuzzle her neck. His mouth explored every glorious inch of her neck, pausing to nip at her pulse before venturing lower reaching her breasts. His tongue drew circles lazily around each nipple through the lace until she was practically begging for that release. When his head continued on past without her unspoken request, she whimpered. Nick chuckled in return.

Deft fingers undid her jean buttons in a millisecond, and before she could protest he’d expertly whipped them off completely. Now at her toes, Nick resumed his exploration of her body with his lips—a lick to the arch of her foot, kisses up her calves, one for behind the knee, until his stubble scratched her inner thigh and her hips jumped in response. Her eyes fell shut at the overwhelming sensation of the gritty stubble on her soft skin contrasting with the heat of the fire nearby. Her hand unknowingly tangled in his short hair, trying to direct him to the one spot she needed his mouth on the most. A subtle swipe of the tongue up her lace thong over her center followed by two fingers plunged deep inside without warning was nearly her undoing. Ellie barely recognized her own voice moaning Nick’s name.

And yet he still didn’t pick up the pace—his fingers moved in time with the beat of the song as he kissed his way back up to her mouth. He captured her mouth and slid his tongue inside while simultaneously curling his fingers inside her. Ellie moaned deeply into his mouth as that glorious spot had been found. His tease was painstakingly slow, but _lord_ it was worth it. The moment the song began to build, the singer’s voice pausing before releasing her own exclamation—Nick added a third finger and rubbed her clit through her thong with his thumb, Ellie couldn’t hold back the loud, “ _fuuuck_!” that escaped.

She felt Nick grin as he never stopped his rhythm- with his mouth or fingers. Once she’d come off her second high of the night, she quickly made work on Nick’s jeans- shedding him of them within minutes. His package bulged in the shadowy light of the fire, Ellie swore she drooled.

Locking eyes, Nick slipped his own briefs down, dick springing out as eager as Ellie was for this moment. She reached between them to selfishly give it a quick pump and reveled at his size. A lethal growl sounded from deep within his chest, and Nick inevitably was done with slow.

An urgent yet gentle hand on her shoulder guided her back down to the blanket. His hand pulled the lace thong to the side and his tip brushed her clit. A sharp intake of breath between clenched teeth was all Ellie could manage. Never taking his eyes off hers, Nick entered her slowly- giving her time to adjust. A muttered, “ _shit_ ” through his tight jaw as he visibly restrained himself was the only show of his control slipping. But Ellie was done waiting, the sensual foreplay was appreciated, but she was way past ready to speed it up.

Lifting her head slightly to align her mouth with his ear, she whispered, “Fuck me, Nick- hard.” Punctuating her demands with a sharp bite to his earlobe.

She could hear his control finally snap. Immediately he picked up the pace, gripping her raised hips for leverage. Ellie lifted her legs to wrap around his waist and the angle hit that much harder. His thrusts harder and deeper each time, until Ellie felt herself reach the brink and by the looks of Nick’s tightly bound muscles, he was almost there too. She sent one hand to dig into his back while the other dipped to her throbbing nub. Nick caught the motion of her helping herself and with a growl he managed to shift his hips just slightly and hit a spot she’d never even realized she had. Clenching around him, Ellie rode the pulsing waves of a earth-shattering orgasm, Nick not far behind as his warm release shot deep inside her.

Collapsing at the sudden intensity of emotion, Nick still managed to roll with her nestled in the crook of his shoulder. Their breathing slowed together as they were entranced by shadows jumping across the ceiling from the fire. The feeling of _finally_ giving into what they’d wanted for a while mixed with the feeling of mortality rich in their hearts.

Wrapped in his arms, Ellie didn’t notice she was crying until Nick wiped a tear from her cheek.

“Babe, what- what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” The worry in his voice slowly breaking her heart.

A sniffle preceded her reply, Ellie not prepared for the rush of emotion. “I- I almost lost you, Nick.” She hadn’t realized she hadn’t cried until that moment. She’d held the tears in for days, staying strong for not only him, but for herself. The gravity of what could have been managed to catch up to her, the tears she’d been holding back escaping on their own volition.

Nick didn’t reply, she knew he realized the weight of the past few days too. Instead, he held her as the sobs wracked her body. A soothing hand running through her hair every now and then until slowly the tears subsided and all that was left was an occasional sniffle.

“I’m sorry,” Ellie offered lamely.

“Don’t be.”

“But I ruined-“ she started.

Nick firmly interrupted with a kiss to her mouth. “I said no but’s remember?”

She had no choice but to shyly smile at that.

“I can’t go back and change what happened, in fact- I wouldn’t want to. Every scenario, every time- I will risk my love for yours, Ellie. You can count on that. Am I sorry my injury caused you so much turmoil? Of course I am. But know that I would never- ever, change pushing you out of the way.” Nick ended passionately and softly all at the same time.

Ellie glanced up at him from her spot tucked in his side, she saw the truth that shone in his deep brown pools. It was but a whisper, yet she knew he heard it, “I love you, Nick.”

He wasted no time in replying, “I love you too, Ellie.”

The smile that overtook his face was worth everything. The terror, the guilt, the fury, the revenge. Everything. In the past, she’d never been able to pull that trigger- sure she’d divorced Jake, but it took him cheating to do so. She’d planned on saying yes to Qasim, but never did. She hunted down Chen, yet even then- even then she couldn’t bring herself to physically pull that trigger. It hadn’t been worth it.

Nick- Nick, though. He was worth pulling that trigger in more ways than one...

**Author's Note:**

> if you noticed some deckerstar in there, congrats you caught an Easter egg 😘


End file.
